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» [MONTHLY THEME] May: Make Space for Space~Due May 31st
by sonic-nancy-fan Wed May 01, 2024 5:28 pm

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by sonic-nancy-fan Tue Apr 30, 2024 2:29 pm

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by FaeriMagic Tue Jan 16, 2024 8:22 pm


Lewd and Inscrutable Translyrics

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Lewd and Inscrutable Translyrics Empty Lewd and Inscrutable Translyrics

Post by Lucari Sun Nov 16, 2014 12:29 pm

No one can say I didn't warn you.

If there's a * next to a song that means it's a Reol/Giga-P song (...I mean, it contains something sexual...oh well, same difference) and/or it has explicit language.

Gigantic O.T.N*:
drop pop candy:
Masked Bi--H:
DOGS:
Cyber Thunder Cider:
Jabberwocky ・Jabberwocka*:
WAVE:
+ ♂ / Plus Danshi*:
Delusion Disease Darkness Girl:
Seisou Bakuretsu Boy*:
LUVORATORRRRRY! + rap*:
Domino Taoshi:
Ren'ai Saiban (Miku's POV Ver.):
Sweet Magic:
Tsukino:
Lynne:
Ren'ai Philosophia:
Meltdown:
Electric Angel:

twitter:
Crime and Punishment:
Deep Sea Girl:
Pink Stick Luv:
Isshin Furan:


Last edited by Lucari on Thu Dec 18, 2014 1:40 am; edited 3 times in total
Lucari
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Lewd and Inscrutable Translyrics Empty Re: Lewd and Inscrutable Translyrics

Post by sonic-nancy-fan Wed Nov 19, 2014 12:59 pm

I looked at your WAVE and Electric Angel lyrics. It is always easier and more accurate when one critiques songs they know and like. Since it seems as if you do not cover your lyrics, (I understand XD), I will just be solely looking at your lyrics and formatting.
 
I will start with the formatting of your post/thread. To make it easier for people to find the songs that you write lyrics for, I would suggest inserting a link to a Youtube video of the song (if it is on Youtube) in your spoiler for each song. It may be hard for me to look up a song called + ♂*.
 
Also, it may also help if you put who sings each song next to the song title.
EX: Meltdown-Rin
 
Onto the lyrics~
 
I have just written lyrics for Electric Angel actually, so I can compare ours. There were a few parts where the syllables did not quite match.
EX: Electric Angel
And this di  gi tal  heart will keep on beating, on
Den shi  no KOKO  RO,   fu   ru    e   ru no
-You could easily take out the first ‘on’
 
EX: WAVE
Enveloping  my body
nomikonde  I    ku
 
I noticed that some of your lyrics rhyme most of the time, Electric Angel, whereas WAVE only rhymes occasionally, primarily in the chorus. This could be due to when they were written, but for symmetry’s sake, perhaps go back and make it rhyme. I know, easier said than done.
 
Here are some suggestions:
I take one wrong step and the cosmos ends
With the green light out of my reach as always
Forever I fly never stopping to ask myself why
-Could be:
I take one wrong step and the cosmos ends
The green light is out of my reach again *
So I’ll continue to fly but I’ll never ask why*
* Took out a syllable since I am pretty sure you had an extra one


As for how the lyrics were written, I will be honest; I like the first line of your Electric Angel lyrics more than mine. The inconsistency in rhyming was a little off putting at times.
The lyrics here:  
And this digital world will keep expanding, on
Almost like I'm an angel who wants to spread her wings
-Why is ‘on’ even there? It does not go with the line it is in nor does it match the line after. I realize that it adds a connection between the first chorus and the other choruses, but with how the lyrics are currently written, the ‘on’ makes no sense.
 
Overall, I really like your writing style and I find it interesting how much our styles differ yet we share similarities in how we interpreted things. I would love to do some lyric collaborations with you sometime~ (assuming you even read this far, I would be hard pressed to read all of this XD).


Last edited by Aerlith on Mon Nov 24, 2014 8:15 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : +3 for an in-depth critique, +3 for an in-depth critique.)
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Lewd and Inscrutable Translyrics Empty Re: Lewd and Inscrutable Translyrics

Post by Lucari Wed Nov 19, 2014 6:42 pm

Thanks for the suggestions. It means a lot that you bothered to read them even. I didn't expect anyone to be looking carefully tbh, so I felt silly putting a lot of effort into the titles and links. I was sort of trying to just drop these here and walk away slowly.

There are times when instead of rhyming I accidentally go with how the Japanese lines sound. Also WAVE and Electric Angel are two of my worst (I know, what a coincidence!) I know Electric Angel has weird parts (I put it here on a whim) but I'm actually happy with WAVE. I just try to imagine someone singing the lines and if I like how it sounds I don't change anything. Also, there isn't an extra syllable, unless you're singing it as "enveloping." Since it's "enveloping" the "en" doesn't really count as a syllable to me when I'm writing. I don't know...if that makes any sense though? ahahahahhhh  Confused

I'd like to do a collaboration too! Are you any good at rap? I'd really like to tackle Ooedo Ranvu if Giga-P releases the off-vocal, but I'm horrible at coming up with raps. ><
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Lewd and Inscrutable Translyrics Empty Re: Lewd and Inscrutable Translyrics

Post by sonic-nancy-fan Thu Nov 20, 2014 12:15 pm

Of course I would look at two of your worst ones.XD

For the word 'enveloping'....I honestly have no idea how you say it given your description. To me, enveloping is said like 'in-vel-up-ing' so it has 4 syllables. It could simply be a difference of dialect though.

With Ooedo Ranvu (heh....heh....I totally didn't have to look up what song you were talking about Te-he! )....that is a lot of rap~

I can write lyrics for rap songs, it just takes a lot more time and care.

I think these may be lyrics tot he song...? http://meido-trn.tumblr.com/ooedoranbu

Anyway, so long as there is an English translation and romanized lyrics, we could try to do that song~
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Lewd and Inscrutable Translyrics Empty Re: Lewd and Inscrutable Translyrics

Post by Lucari Thu Nov 20, 2014 2:32 pm

Oh, I think I understand how to explain it. The "en" is slurred and said slightly before the original line begins. I think I am just unconsciously trying to match up the stressed syllables.

Yes, that's the one! However the song for now is only featured in the album No Title, and I don't know if Reol and Giga plan to upload it to Nico like they did with a few other songs from the album. So without an official off-vocal, it might be difficult to cover. Even with that in mind, though, I still want to try writing lyrics for it. The only question is if you do as well.  Happy Go Lucky
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Lewd and Inscrutable Translyrics Empty Re: Lewd and Inscrutable Translyrics

Post by sonic-nancy-fan Thu Nov 20, 2014 2:46 pm

The song was not terrible and was somewhat catchy, so sure, I would be up for it. Plus, with writing lyrics, not having an off vocal does not really effect us, the writers, too much.XD

You can PM me with the details~
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